Authorities

Like our other feudal politicians, Sharifs are also very much fond of authority. An Authority is usually established to do a job quickly, non transparently and without accountability . It is for this reason that you see so many Authorities in our provinces and Islamabad, like Punjab Food Authority (PFA), Lahore Development Authority (LDA), Punjab Revenue Authority (PRA), Sindh Building Control Authority, Civil Aviation Authority (CAA) and last but not the least our good old Water and Power Develpment Authority (WAPDA). Personally, I find this word “Authority” very offensive and intimidating. In fact, it smells of dictatorship. This word is a kind of veiled threat to the citizens to behave themselves. Perhaps, Americans have sensed the unsavouriness of the word “Authority”, so in US most of such deparments are called Administrations. For example; Food and Drug Administration (FDA), Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) and the most famous National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA).

Government deparments with less threatening posture are called Commissions such as the venerable Punjab Public Service Commision (I am proud of twice being the selectee of this commission) , Pakistan Atomic Energy Commision and last and the ever green tree sown by Dr. Ata-ur-Rehman, the Higher Education Commission. Here I just cannot stop myself from digressing and from condemning the present Chairman Senate for the shabby roll he played in trying to destroy this great institution of enlightenment through notorious 18^th amendment at the behest of illiterate Sindhi Feudals and a President sans any academic record, what to speak of qualifications.

Talking of Americans, they call the camel a horse designed by an Authority. Now look at this “tree” in the picture below. This is a tree probably designed by an Authority called PHA, I mean Parks and Horticultural Authority. This tree is “growing” in Lahore, Punjab, Pakistan on the Mall Road right on the bank of our famous canal. It is surely being irrigated by something other than the canal water which is flowing right under it. This tree has no leaves or flowers? In our native Punjabi, it is a “Bay Barkat” tree.

Now, I have my own guess about the origin of this tree. To me, this is the same tree whose fruit got our great great great grand grand grand parents Adam and Eve demoted to Earth. At the time of Adam and Eve, this was called the tree of forbidden fruit. Now it is called tree of corruption.

I do not know the mechanism by which the fruit of this tree landed Adam and Eve on this Earth. But because of advances in Science I have now figured out how this tree sustains the corruption of their progeny in this part of the world.

I am an old Lahoriya and a Lahoriya just cannot live without roaming on the Mall and having a dip in the canal. The Mall Road has a proliferation of Peepal trees (Bo tree, Ficus Religiosa) and it is they who bestow on the Mall the blessing of “Thandi Sarak”. It is they who invite the parrots and kites and crows and many other birds to this road at sunset. Not long ago, there was a reverendly majestic, towering Peepal tree at the site of this present Bay Barkat tree of corruption. That huge, sagely tree would provide cool shade to the motor cyclists and padestrians in scorching sun when the traffic light was red. Its shade was God’s kindness bestowed on his humble ceatures.

One night a terrible storm blew. The old Peepal tree fell. As if the Authorities were eagerly waiting for its death, they quickly removed the old Peepal and instead of replacing the old Peepal with a new young one which would have cost only five rupees, they promptly installed this wretched rusty iron tree said to be brought form the heaven. We all know that heaven is very far away beyond the seven skies so huge transportation charges must have incurred. So to my estimate this tree must have cost the PHA anything about two hundred thousand rupees. Now, there are several round round rings in this tree to accommodate artificial leaves etcetra. Separate plants must have been bought to fill these empty rings. Since this is a tree from heaven, the the plants must also have come from heaven via PIA jumbo jet at astronomical freight charges. It is my guess that those charges must be about eight hundred thousand rupees. But I have yet to figure out the cost of the plants charged by nursery in the heaven. Supposing there was a loot sale of plants going on in the heavens the discounted cost of the plants must have been about one hundred thousand rupees. This makes the total cost of this “Bay Barkat” tree about 1.1 million rupees.

Since these plants are suspended in air, they cannot use the canal water flowing right underneath them. A bouser irrigates them twice a day. Cost of water and the diesel is about rupees 50 thousand per day (Reference: Karachi water tanker rates). The flowering seasons remains for about two months, this means watering charges come up to rupees three hundred thousand.

Unfortunately, the story does not end here. After two months the flowering season is over. Plant and their pots become useless. They have to be disposed off. Again, trucks and men are hired to throw these dead plants at a trash site near Ravi. The cost of this last activity is again about a hundred thousand rupees.

After going through the above cycle and spending 1.5 million rupees, the tree is again in the condition shown. Students of Physics know this phenomenon as cyclic phenomenon.

This tree does not have leaves or branches. It is Bay Barkat for ordinary people. But it grows money for PHA staff. That is why they are planting more such trees at each and every crossing of Lahore.

The good old Peepal would not have asked for a single rupee and would have provided shade to thousands of poor people and nesting to hundreds of birds and thousands of ants. It would not have polluted the banks of River Ravi either. But this Peepal does not generate anything for the PHA staff.

Stupidity done deliberately is also corruption.